I'm just back from my annual review and felt compelled to write a just-for-me blog for the first time in a long time. What follows is pretty much a "stream of consciousness" affair (though I'll be scanning it to make sure it makes sense). It might feel like a mish-mash of previous blogs I've written, so for any regular viewers out there, apologies in advance. By the end, I'll hopefully have done a decent job at articulating my inner voice.
Thanks for reading.
In the last couple of years, I've started to look forward to my annual review rather than dread it in the same way a school boy who's forgotten his homework again.
Gone are the days where I'd spend hours thinking up excuses for why my weight, blood pressure, HbA1c and any other measure you care to mention were all going in the wrong direction. Now I'm in a place where I feel educated enough to spend one of my bi-annual 15 minute slots, discussing my diabetes, any of my problems or concerns and feeling like part of a conversation instead of a lecture. This is, of course, a good thing.
However, what I can't seem to shake is that feeling of despondency as I trudge through a maze of hospital corridors out into the rain and back to my car.
Once upon a time, I'd leave feeling guilt ridden and angry at myself. It got to a point where a consultant pulled out a graph and said "If you don't change what you're doing, this [pointing at said graph] is when your kidneys will start failing". I wondered what the point was. Why was anyone wasting their time on me if I couldn't be bothered to look after myself?
Now it's a different story. Today I left feeling frustrated because I was convinced I'd finally cracked it and that it'd be a bit of a chat, usual questions and checks and I'd be on my way. Not so. Today my consultant (who is without doubt, bloody wonderful), looked at the download from my BG meter and gave that intake of breath through clenched teeth that consultants do and said "look at all these low readings. I'm worried you'll lose your hypo awareness".
Now before I continue to wallow in my hole of momentary self pity, I will say that, of course, she's right. That is a concern, and losing my hypo awareness is one of my biggest diabetes fears. Basically anything you can prefix with "losing" scares me.
Back to my hole... living with diabetes is tough. Not some of the time - ALL of the time. I've had it 12 years and it still kicks my ass. I guess my consultant has a privileged view in some sense as she can look at 3 months worth of data and see the patterns quite easily. I write my BG levels down but I've got a bit lazy at looking for patterns I suppose.
The thing is, high numbers worry me. I know that a lot of high numbers will start to eat away at me and if I can't make them go away I'll feel like I can't look after myself and I'll give up. I've done it before and it didn't work out well. I'm always more likely to go slightly over on my insulin calculations to err on the side of caution because I know it's less likely to lead to a high reading later on. I'd rather have a low reading than a high one (to which my consultant nodded along sympathetically).
I've previously likened having diabetes to walking on a tightrope. Managing it needs a lot of skill and concentration and you need to consider what you're doing all the time. If you lose focus you start to wobble and if you wobble too much you'll lose control completely.
It's easy to cry "no fair" but life isn't fair and I'm not 13 years old any more so I'm not taking that option. I'll keep doing what I've always done - live and learn. There's no silver bullet to make any of these problems go away and so I'll refine my own care and keep working at understanding how my body reacts to this enigmatic disease. As I've said before, diabetes isn't who I am, it's just one small part of me. Sometimes it needs more attention than others but if I'll carry on working to keep the disruption to a minimum.
Showing posts with label frustrating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label frustrating. Show all posts
Wednesday, 16 October 2013
Wednesday, 13 June 2012
Starting over
Hello again
This past week has had a distinct feeling of starting from scratch and venturing into the relative unknown.
You may remember I spoke a little about Resolutions a week or so ago and since then I've been making a big effort to keep with them.
I've worked through about 3 hours of Italian audio and was pleasantly surprised that I remember more than I thought I knew. I last had a crack at it back in 2006 when I got married and we went to Rome for our honeymoon. It's still a bit basic but I should get somewhere with it if I persevere. My main learning time is in the car to and from work a couple of days a week - I have a mini audio course on my iPod. I think that will get me so far but I probably need to do a bit of work away from that to be able to really get to grips with it.
My other resolution was to learn guitar and that's going OK as well. I've managed to learn 7 or 8 chords but I'm predictably finding stringing them together into something familiar a bit more difficult. Obviously patience and practice are key here and to think I would be able to play anything in such a short space of time would be foolish. That said, I've managed to learn a couple of simple nursery rhymes to keep my daughter onside. I'm making the effort to pick the guitar up for about 15 or 20 minutes every day and I think that'll really help. In the evenings I'm trying to watch the football with the sound muted whilst I "practice" and that's helping a little. Hopefully I'll get to something passable by Christmas.
I've also done my first post-marathon run this last week and that's been a bit of a shock to the system. It's not wholly unexpected as I'd not run for about 50 days for a variety of reasons (blisters, brusing, holidays to name three) but it's something I want to keep doing and now I know what I'm capable of, it all seems a bit more straight forward. I'm entered in the Great Yorkshire Run at the start of September which is a 10km route around Sheffield and so I'm effectively starting over in preparation for that. I'm revisiting my old 2 mile route twice a week at the moment just to get back into a routine. I'll keep upping that distance when I get back to a decent level of fitness.
Once again, I'm running for Diabetes UK and Sheffield Children's Hospital but this time I'm trying to raise a more modest £200. If you feel like you can spare perhaps £2 for two worthy causes you can donate here (you'll have to click on the Great Yorkshire Run 2012 page). If I reach my target for this run, I'll have raised £1700 for charity this year which would be incredible.
My wife has put together a record of the marathon journey we went through in a photobook. Whilst the real thing hasn't been delievered yet, I have a link of what it will look like so if you're a little interested, you can see it here (I'd look at it in full screen for best results)
I suppose this post should have an actual point (it would make a change eh?) Whilst trying something new can be a bit daunting and frustrating, I'm feeling positive about the challenges. I think previously I've probably been a bit immature or fickle to really be able to sit down and learn a new skill. It's fair to say that in the past, I've been quick to get bored of something if it's not going my way. I think there's still a slim chance of that happening (it'd be a bit short sighted to think I've totally changed in the last few weeks or months) but hopefully I can stick with it.
I've started to find a genuine interest in things that would have previously passed me by and whilst I'll continue to waste a few hours playing Xbox or watching some second rate TV, I feel like I've found things that will give me some genuine enjoyment which can't be a bad thing can it?
I guess it's never too late to try your hand at something new.
Talk to you soon
Andy
This past week has had a distinct feeling of starting from scratch and venturing into the relative unknown.
You may remember I spoke a little about Resolutions a week or so ago and since then I've been making a big effort to keep with them.
I've worked through about 3 hours of Italian audio and was pleasantly surprised that I remember more than I thought I knew. I last had a crack at it back in 2006 when I got married and we went to Rome for our honeymoon. It's still a bit basic but I should get somewhere with it if I persevere. My main learning time is in the car to and from work a couple of days a week - I have a mini audio course on my iPod. I think that will get me so far but I probably need to do a bit of work away from that to be able to really get to grips with it.
My other resolution was to learn guitar and that's going OK as well. I've managed to learn 7 or 8 chords but I'm predictably finding stringing them together into something familiar a bit more difficult. Obviously patience and practice are key here and to think I would be able to play anything in such a short space of time would be foolish. That said, I've managed to learn a couple of simple nursery rhymes to keep my daughter onside. I'm making the effort to pick the guitar up for about 15 or 20 minutes every day and I think that'll really help. In the evenings I'm trying to watch the football with the sound muted whilst I "practice" and that's helping a little. Hopefully I'll get to something passable by Christmas.
I've also done my first post-marathon run this last week and that's been a bit of a shock to the system. It's not wholly unexpected as I'd not run for about 50 days for a variety of reasons (blisters, brusing, holidays to name three) but it's something I want to keep doing and now I know what I'm capable of, it all seems a bit more straight forward. I'm entered in the Great Yorkshire Run at the start of September which is a 10km route around Sheffield and so I'm effectively starting over in preparation for that. I'm revisiting my old 2 mile route twice a week at the moment just to get back into a routine. I'll keep upping that distance when I get back to a decent level of fitness.
Once again, I'm running for Diabetes UK and Sheffield Children's Hospital but this time I'm trying to raise a more modest £200. If you feel like you can spare perhaps £2 for two worthy causes you can donate here (you'll have to click on the Great Yorkshire Run 2012 page). If I reach my target for this run, I'll have raised £1700 for charity this year which would be incredible.
My wife has put together a record of the marathon journey we went through in a photobook. Whilst the real thing hasn't been delievered yet, I have a link of what it will look like so if you're a little interested, you can see it here (I'd look at it in full screen for best results)
I suppose this post should have an actual point (it would make a change eh?) Whilst trying something new can be a bit daunting and frustrating, I'm feeling positive about the challenges. I think previously I've probably been a bit immature or fickle to really be able to sit down and learn a new skill. It's fair to say that in the past, I've been quick to get bored of something if it's not going my way. I think there's still a slim chance of that happening (it'd be a bit short sighted to think I've totally changed in the last few weeks or months) but hopefully I can stick with it.
I've started to find a genuine interest in things that would have previously passed me by and whilst I'll continue to waste a few hours playing Xbox or watching some second rate TV, I feel like I've found things that will give me some genuine enjoyment which can't be a bad thing can it?
I guess it's never too late to try your hand at something new.
Talk to you soon
Andy
Wednesday, 11 April 2012
The final countdown
Training miles completed this week: 15
Total training miles completed: 223
Training miles left: 9
Training runs left: 2
Hello again
I'll start with an apology this week. I didn't write a post last week and that was essentially for no other reason than I was sulking a bit about not running.
A day or so after my 20 mile run, I started to feel a bit of pain in my foot so I took a conscious decision to miss a run and let it heal a bit. There's obviously no point running for the sake of it - an injury this close to the marathon needs to be looked after. I thought I could miss one run and be back out to properly start my tapering.
Unfortunately I got a migraine which floored me for about 4 days (I think I've mentioned these before) and so I ended up missing another training slot. That left me feeling a bit downbeat about the whole thing and I didn't feel that blogging any of that negativity would be particularly cathartic. But I'm back now with my penultimate blog before race day.
I've managed 3 runs this week totalling 15 miles which is encouraging. I did 4 miles last Thursday and followed that up with 5 and 6 miles. It's a bit of a twist on the taper plan I had in mind, but I need to bear the injuries in mind and so I've opted for an extra shorter run rather than doing, say, 12 miles and reducing down after that. I just need to make sure my legs still worked and I'm happy to report that they do.
Skipping the two runs last week has meant I've developed a bit of a complex about being underprepared. I'm not sure how much of that is the "to be expected" pre race nerves, and how much of it I really believe. By the time I get on a train to London at the end of next week, I'll have already run 232 miles - equivalent to about 9 full marathons. I'd like to think that stands me in good stead but at the same time I have a nagging doubt that having done no great distance for a few weeks will be a bit of a set-back. Hopefully it's the former.
I think nerves are natural at this stage. I'm venturing into the unknown in more ways than one. Obviously I've never run a marathon before and equally, I'm running on a route I'm wholly unfamiliar with. I've also not run with anyone in this sort of race environment for about 17 years (The Rother Valley 10k for those of you in Sheffield). All this is easily overcome I suppose - I'd just not really considered all these factors until recently.
I'm going to have to focus on my pace in the early miles - I don't want to set off too quickly and burn out too soon. I know the first 5 or 6 miles can be done at around a 10 min/mile pace and I should hopefully be able to replicate my 11.5 min mile (ish) time to 20 miles. That gives me a good guide to where I should be and when. As I've stated all along though, as long as I get round before the medals run out (6pm) then I'll be ecstatic.
I'm considering Google-mapping the route before I set off. I'm not sure if that's a bit OTT or whether I'll genuinely feel calmer for having visualised the route at least once before I set off. In all likelihood, I'll probably get bored/frustrated after 2 miles of trying, but it could be worth a shot.
There's been some movement on the fundraising this last 2 weeks which is excellent! Current total is £837.50 which is another £130 since I last blogged. The generosity everyone has shown has been incredible! I do still have some more donations that I've been promised as well so I hope I'll be able to get very close to the £1,000 target. If you're thinking about donating then please know that even a couple of quid will make a difference - you can click on the subtle fundraising link above, or the less subtle one at the end of this post to donate. Again, I can't thank people enough for what they've already done - I couldn't have wished for more.
As always, all money that I raise is being split equally between Diabetes UK and The Sheffield Children's Hospital Charity - two very worthy causes. The Children's Hospital money will be going to help fund a summer camp for children with diabetes which is very worthwhile.
I'll blog next week after my last training run which in itself feels like quite an emotional milestone. I'm going to do a bit of a "Marathon Training by numbers" post which will either be a bit interesting or not half as fun as I thought it would be - who knows?
As with the running, I feel a bit rusty with the blogging so hopefully this has been a moderately interesting post for me to return with. As I say, I'll try and sum everything up next week and perhaps talk about where this blog goes after the marathon is all done, because to be perfectly honest with you, I don't have an answer for that just yet.
Thanks for sticking with me today and if you've been with me since the start, thank you for making it this far. I really appreciate all the support you've all given me.
Take care and have a good week
Andy
Total training miles completed: 223
Training miles left: 9
Training runs left: 2
Hello again
I'll start with an apology this week. I didn't write a post last week and that was essentially for no other reason than I was sulking a bit about not running.
A day or so after my 20 mile run, I started to feel a bit of pain in my foot so I took a conscious decision to miss a run and let it heal a bit. There's obviously no point running for the sake of it - an injury this close to the marathon needs to be looked after. I thought I could miss one run and be back out to properly start my tapering.
Unfortunately I got a migraine which floored me for about 4 days (I think I've mentioned these before) and so I ended up missing another training slot. That left me feeling a bit downbeat about the whole thing and I didn't feel that blogging any of that negativity would be particularly cathartic. But I'm back now with my penultimate blog before race day.
I've managed 3 runs this week totalling 15 miles which is encouraging. I did 4 miles last Thursday and followed that up with 5 and 6 miles. It's a bit of a twist on the taper plan I had in mind, but I need to bear the injuries in mind and so I've opted for an extra shorter run rather than doing, say, 12 miles and reducing down after that. I just need to make sure my legs still worked and I'm happy to report that they do.
Skipping the two runs last week has meant I've developed a bit of a complex about being underprepared. I'm not sure how much of that is the "to be expected" pre race nerves, and how much of it I really believe. By the time I get on a train to London at the end of next week, I'll have already run 232 miles - equivalent to about 9 full marathons. I'd like to think that stands me in good stead but at the same time I have a nagging doubt that having done no great distance for a few weeks will be a bit of a set-back. Hopefully it's the former.
I think nerves are natural at this stage. I'm venturing into the unknown in more ways than one. Obviously I've never run a marathon before and equally, I'm running on a route I'm wholly unfamiliar with. I've also not run with anyone in this sort of race environment for about 17 years (The Rother Valley 10k for those of you in Sheffield). All this is easily overcome I suppose - I'd just not really considered all these factors until recently.
I'm going to have to focus on my pace in the early miles - I don't want to set off too quickly and burn out too soon. I know the first 5 or 6 miles can be done at around a 10 min/mile pace and I should hopefully be able to replicate my 11.5 min mile (ish) time to 20 miles. That gives me a good guide to where I should be and when. As I've stated all along though, as long as I get round before the medals run out (6pm) then I'll be ecstatic.
I'm considering Google-mapping the route before I set off. I'm not sure if that's a bit OTT or whether I'll genuinely feel calmer for having visualised the route at least once before I set off. In all likelihood, I'll probably get bored/frustrated after 2 miles of trying, but it could be worth a shot.
There's been some movement on the fundraising this last 2 weeks which is excellent! Current total is £837.50 which is another £130 since I last blogged. The generosity everyone has shown has been incredible! I do still have some more donations that I've been promised as well so I hope I'll be able to get very close to the £1,000 target. If you're thinking about donating then please know that even a couple of quid will make a difference - you can click on the subtle fundraising link above, or the less subtle one at the end of this post to donate. Again, I can't thank people enough for what they've already done - I couldn't have wished for more.
As always, all money that I raise is being split equally between Diabetes UK and The Sheffield Children's Hospital Charity - two very worthy causes. The Children's Hospital money will be going to help fund a summer camp for children with diabetes which is very worthwhile.
I'll blog next week after my last training run which in itself feels like quite an emotional milestone. I'm going to do a bit of a "Marathon Training by numbers" post which will either be a bit interesting or not half as fun as I thought it would be - who knows?
As with the running, I feel a bit rusty with the blogging so hopefully this has been a moderately interesting post for me to return with. As I say, I'll try and sum everything up next week and perhaps talk about where this blog goes after the marathon is all done, because to be perfectly honest with you, I don't have an answer for that just yet.
Thanks for sticking with me today and if you've been with me since the start, thank you for making it this far. I really appreciate all the support you've all given me.
Take care and have a good week
Andy
You can donate at any time by clicking on this fundraising link
Wednesday, 21 March 2012
Pain management
Training miles completed this week: 16
Total training miles completed: 188
Training miles left: 25 + taper off period
Training runs left: 8
Hello again.
There's only 31 days left until I'll be lining up to start the marathon. It feels like yesterday I remember the countdown being 180 days and thinking I had all the time in the world to train and prepare.
Training is definitely beginning to take it's toll now, with pretty much every day spent ignoring some form of pain. I think that it (being in pain) has been so much of the norm for me over the past 4 years that I'm surprised that I can still really feel it at all.
But I can feel it and the major battle I've had this week has been in my mind. For those of you who know me, you'll know that I'm a bit stubborn from time to time, and training is one of those areas where I'm the most bloody-minded of all. I'll try and explain...
I've come to terms with the fact that it's unlikely I'll ever really lose the aches and pains in my foot if I want to continue any form of running based exercise. It's the new, less familiar pain that I'm struggling to get used to. When I did my 4 mile run last week, I had a bit of pain in my ankle joints and in my legs, but I passed it off as lack of proper stretching and warm-up. I did 16 miles on Saturday morning and the pain was there again but I ran through it and it disappeared after about 4 miles. (I managed the distance in 3:04 and I felt like I could have kept jogging/walking as well which was pleasing)
I Googled shin splints when I got in as it seemed to be the only condition I could think of that would make sense. And reading through the causes and symptoms, it does make a lot of sense. I'm not going to visit my GP for it as I know the answer is rest. I also don't want someone to tell me I can't run because I've worked too hard to get to where I am.
On the other hand, I constantly remind myself that I've already done less training than someone preparing for their first marathon should do and so missing any distance at all never really seems acceptable to me. I'm into the mindset that I'm 'only' doing 6 miles so it shouldn't be a problem, not really letting myself understand that 6 miles is a distance that means I need to take care.
Ultimately, my goal is to do the marathon and if that means cutting back on my training and resting sensibly then that's what I should do, no matter how hard it might be.
I've decided to skip my 6 mile run for tonight in favour of resting and keeping my 20 mile run on track for the weekend. Whether that turns out to be a sensible decision or not, only time will tell but it feels like a good compromise. I think I wrote some weeks back about saying that I'd cut down to one run a week if that's what I needed to do. There's only 4 weeks left and I think getting this close to race day and feeling ready to compete is an achievement in itself. If I only do 4 more runs instead of 8 then it doesn't really matter - I just need to convince myself of that.
I've conquered my battered ankle, (possible) shin splints, at least one stress fractured toe (possibly two) and now I just need to get the better of my own psyche.
I managed my blood sugar really well again on the last 16 mile jaunt (reaffirming my belief that the 18 mile run was so painful because I got things wrong). I'm convinced now that 8 miles and then 4 jelly babies every 4 miles will get me round comfortably. I'm glad to have one less thing to worry about.
There's been some more fundraising money in this week which is good news! Current total is £575 and I'm hoping I can break the £700 barrier before April 22nd. I'm becoming a bit more direct in terms of sponsorship requests now (as the people in my office will be finding out this week) so I'm still hopeful of making at least £700 before I top up the rest to £1000. The generosity everyone has shown has been incredible!
As always, all money that I raise is being split between Diabetes UK and The Sheffield Children's Hospital Charity - two very worthy causes. The Children's Hospital money will be going to help fund a summer camp for children with diabetes which is very worthwhile.
I had an interesting conversation with my daughter this week. She came up to tell me that she had a poorly tummy and she needed an injection to feel better. She sees me injecting before meals and asks what I'm doing. I tell her it's because I'm not very well and I have to take medicine. It's hard to see her mimicking what I do because one of my big fears is that she'll end up the same way. But I don't see the point in hiding it from her either. Fortunately, this only lasted a couple of days this time.
Finally, a word on another blog you might enjoy. A friend of mine has entered the Tough Mudder event in November and has started a training regime that will ultimately put me to shame. You can follow Sam's progress here - it's a great read. We seemed to have a bit of a virtual running club on Twitter at the moment and it's great to get support and chat things through with people doing the same thing. A really valuable way to stay sane. Thanks - you know who you are.
Have a good week - hopefully next time I'll be able to report on a decent 20 mile slog.
Take care
Andy
Total training miles completed: 188
Training miles left: 25 + taper off period
Training runs left: 8
Hello again.
There's only 31 days left until I'll be lining up to start the marathon. It feels like yesterday I remember the countdown being 180 days and thinking I had all the time in the world to train and prepare.
Training is definitely beginning to take it's toll now, with pretty much every day spent ignoring some form of pain. I think that it (being in pain) has been so much of the norm for me over the past 4 years that I'm surprised that I can still really feel it at all.
But I can feel it and the major battle I've had this week has been in my mind. For those of you who know me, you'll know that I'm a bit stubborn from time to time, and training is one of those areas where I'm the most bloody-minded of all. I'll try and explain...
I've come to terms with the fact that it's unlikely I'll ever really lose the aches and pains in my foot if I want to continue any form of running based exercise. It's the new, less familiar pain that I'm struggling to get used to. When I did my 4 mile run last week, I had a bit of pain in my ankle joints and in my legs, but I passed it off as lack of proper stretching and warm-up. I did 16 miles on Saturday morning and the pain was there again but I ran through it and it disappeared after about 4 miles. (I managed the distance in 3:04 and I felt like I could have kept jogging/walking as well which was pleasing)
I Googled shin splints when I got in as it seemed to be the only condition I could think of that would make sense. And reading through the causes and symptoms, it does make a lot of sense. I'm not going to visit my GP for it as I know the answer is rest. I also don't want someone to tell me I can't run because I've worked too hard to get to where I am.
On the other hand, I constantly remind myself that I've already done less training than someone preparing for their first marathon should do and so missing any distance at all never really seems acceptable to me. I'm into the mindset that I'm 'only' doing 6 miles so it shouldn't be a problem, not really letting myself understand that 6 miles is a distance that means I need to take care.
Ultimately, my goal is to do the marathon and if that means cutting back on my training and resting sensibly then that's what I should do, no matter how hard it might be.
I've decided to skip my 6 mile run for tonight in favour of resting and keeping my 20 mile run on track for the weekend. Whether that turns out to be a sensible decision or not, only time will tell but it feels like a good compromise. I think I wrote some weeks back about saying that I'd cut down to one run a week if that's what I needed to do. There's only 4 weeks left and I think getting this close to race day and feeling ready to compete is an achievement in itself. If I only do 4 more runs instead of 8 then it doesn't really matter - I just need to convince myself of that.
I've conquered my battered ankle, (possible) shin splints, at least one stress fractured toe (possibly two) and now I just need to get the better of my own psyche.
I managed my blood sugar really well again on the last 16 mile jaunt (reaffirming my belief that the 18 mile run was so painful because I got things wrong). I'm convinced now that 8 miles and then 4 jelly babies every 4 miles will get me round comfortably. I'm glad to have one less thing to worry about.
There's been some more fundraising money in this week which is good news! Current total is £575 and I'm hoping I can break the £700 barrier before April 22nd. I'm becoming a bit more direct in terms of sponsorship requests now (as the people in my office will be finding out this week) so I'm still hopeful of making at least £700 before I top up the rest to £1000. The generosity everyone has shown has been incredible!
As always, all money that I raise is being split between Diabetes UK and The Sheffield Children's Hospital Charity - two very worthy causes. The Children's Hospital money will be going to help fund a summer camp for children with diabetes which is very worthwhile.
I had an interesting conversation with my daughter this week. She came up to tell me that she had a poorly tummy and she needed an injection to feel better. She sees me injecting before meals and asks what I'm doing. I tell her it's because I'm not very well and I have to take medicine. It's hard to see her mimicking what I do because one of my big fears is that she'll end up the same way. But I don't see the point in hiding it from her either. Fortunately, this only lasted a couple of days this time.
Finally, a word on another blog you might enjoy. A friend of mine has entered the Tough Mudder event in November and has started a training regime that will ultimately put me to shame. You can follow Sam's progress here - it's a great read. We seemed to have a bit of a virtual running club on Twitter at the moment and it's great to get support and chat things through with people doing the same thing. A really valuable way to stay sane. Thanks - you know who you are.
Have a good week - hopefully next time I'll be able to report on a decent 20 mile slog.
Take care
Andy
You can donate at any time by clicking on this fundraising link
Wednesday, 14 March 2012
Self doubt and inner voices
Training miles completed this week: 22
Total training miles completed: 172
Training miles left: 47 + taper off period
Training runs left: 10
Hello - happy Wednesday
Arduous, brutal, crushing, exhausting, punishing and tortuous. I think I used the word 'grueling' last week to describe how running 16 miles felt. These new words are more appropriate for how 18 miles feels.
I managed the distance in a not-utterly-unacceptable time of 3hrs 35minutes - essentially a 12 minute mile average. But the actual run was possibly the most agonising thing I can remember doing. The first 9 miles was OK (1hr 37mins) but the second half was best summed up using one of the words above. I got to about 15 miles before I really felt like it'd beaten me - legs felt heavy, ankle felt stiff, agonising pain in my back and persistent cramping in my calf put me on the verge of tears. I was in no fit state to really measure but I think I ended up running about 100 yards at a time and walking for distances inbetween.
I got in and for the first time actually said "I don't know if I can do this" out loud. Fortunately, my incredibly understanding wife was able to talk some sense into me. The doubt was there for a few minutes though and it didn't feel good.
I'm absolutely under no illusions now about how difficult this is going to be, no misconceptions about how painful it will be or how mentally exhausted I'll be when I get to the end. Making myself run when my mind is telling me I can't is beyond draining. It goes against all sense and logic but I need to keep going now. There are 38 days left until the marathon - that's not long at all and I need to stay focused until then.
Whilst that 18 miles gave me plenty to think about, there were a few positives that came out of it, and they need to be mentioned as much, if not more, than the battle with my demons.
Firstly - I actually finished the distance. I may have walked a lot more than I would have liked, but I did it. If I had to walk another 8 miles then I (probably) could have done. Secondly, where I was convinced last week that I'd possibly brusied the bone in my foot, I managed the whole distance without even so much as a slight jolt of pain from that injury. That's really encouraging. Finally, for all the training I do, I know I can't replicate the actual event itself. I'm hoping the crowds, the change of scenery and running alongside other people is going to give me a boost that I'll be able to put a decent performance in one the day.
For those considering backing me to win it (or to finish inside 5 hours) you might be best advised to keep hold of your money...
I think one of the reasons the run was so tough was that I got my blood sugar levels completely wrong at the weekend. They were at a similar level when I set off to what they were the previous week. But the level didn't drop at all as I expected and I managed the entire run without a single jelly baby to keep me going. Whilst I may have hit the wall at around mile 15, I don't feel like I ever really got into a decent rhythm and I think my sugar levels might have something to do with that. I've got 2 big runs left to try and sort that problem out. Worst case scenario is that I have to test my levels around London, But I'd like to avoid that is possible.
More fundraising money has come in this week which is good news! I've finally got a paper sponsor form to carry around, and my wife is drumming up support in here office as well. Current total is £545 and I'm hoping I can break the £700 barrier before April 22nd. I've given my close friends and family enough time to think about donating and now I'm actively calling that money in so I hope I'll be able to report another increase next week. A number of people that follow me on Twitter have also pledged to donate which is incredibly kind of them.
One of the things that's really struck me is how unwavering the support has been for what I'm doing, particularly from people I've met perhaps once or twice, and in some cases, not at all. Their belief and encouragement has been fantastic, and their willingness to donate money on the scale they have is out of this world. It's that kind of thing that really keeps me going as the end comes into sight.
As always, all money that I raise is being split between Diabetes UK and The Sheffield Children's Hospital Charity - two very worthy causes. The Children's Hospital money will be going to help fund a summer camp for children with diabetes which is very worthwhile
I'd also just like to thank Ellie from Diabetes UK and Tonya from Sheffield Children's for all their help this last week - they do a great job deserve to be well recognised.
16 miles this weekend before a psychologically huge 20 miles the weekend after. I can vaguely remember looking at those distances on the plan back in November and thinking how far away they were and how incredible it was to think I could manage those distances.
The end is in sight now and I'm detemined not to let anyone down.
Thanks for reading - your support is incredible
Take care
Andy
Total training miles completed: 172
Training miles left: 47 + taper off period
Training runs left: 10
Hello - happy Wednesday
Arduous, brutal, crushing, exhausting, punishing and tortuous. I think I used the word 'grueling' last week to describe how running 16 miles felt. These new words are more appropriate for how 18 miles feels.
I managed the distance in a not-utterly-unacceptable time of 3hrs 35minutes - essentially a 12 minute mile average. But the actual run was possibly the most agonising thing I can remember doing. The first 9 miles was OK (1hr 37mins) but the second half was best summed up using one of the words above. I got to about 15 miles before I really felt like it'd beaten me - legs felt heavy, ankle felt stiff, agonising pain in my back and persistent cramping in my calf put me on the verge of tears. I was in no fit state to really measure but I think I ended up running about 100 yards at a time and walking for distances inbetween.
I got in and for the first time actually said "I don't know if I can do this" out loud. Fortunately, my incredibly understanding wife was able to talk some sense into me. The doubt was there for a few minutes though and it didn't feel good.
I'm absolutely under no illusions now about how difficult this is going to be, no misconceptions about how painful it will be or how mentally exhausted I'll be when I get to the end. Making myself run when my mind is telling me I can't is beyond draining. It goes against all sense and logic but I need to keep going now. There are 38 days left until the marathon - that's not long at all and I need to stay focused until then.
Whilst that 18 miles gave me plenty to think about, there were a few positives that came out of it, and they need to be mentioned as much, if not more, than the battle with my demons.
Firstly - I actually finished the distance. I may have walked a lot more than I would have liked, but I did it. If I had to walk another 8 miles then I (probably) could have done. Secondly, where I was convinced last week that I'd possibly brusied the bone in my foot, I managed the whole distance without even so much as a slight jolt of pain from that injury. That's really encouraging. Finally, for all the training I do, I know I can't replicate the actual event itself. I'm hoping the crowds, the change of scenery and running alongside other people is going to give me a boost that I'll be able to put a decent performance in one the day.
For those considering backing me to win it (or to finish inside 5 hours) you might be best advised to keep hold of your money...
I think one of the reasons the run was so tough was that I got my blood sugar levels completely wrong at the weekend. They were at a similar level when I set off to what they were the previous week. But the level didn't drop at all as I expected and I managed the entire run without a single jelly baby to keep me going. Whilst I may have hit the wall at around mile 15, I don't feel like I ever really got into a decent rhythm and I think my sugar levels might have something to do with that. I've got 2 big runs left to try and sort that problem out. Worst case scenario is that I have to test my levels around London, But I'd like to avoid that is possible.
More fundraising money has come in this week which is good news! I've finally got a paper sponsor form to carry around, and my wife is drumming up support in here office as well. Current total is £545 and I'm hoping I can break the £700 barrier before April 22nd. I've given my close friends and family enough time to think about donating and now I'm actively calling that money in so I hope I'll be able to report another increase next week. A number of people that follow me on Twitter have also pledged to donate which is incredibly kind of them.
One of the things that's really struck me is how unwavering the support has been for what I'm doing, particularly from people I've met perhaps once or twice, and in some cases, not at all. Their belief and encouragement has been fantastic, and their willingness to donate money on the scale they have is out of this world. It's that kind of thing that really keeps me going as the end comes into sight.
As always, all money that I raise is being split between Diabetes UK and The Sheffield Children's Hospital Charity - two very worthy causes. The Children's Hospital money will be going to help fund a summer camp for children with diabetes which is very worthwhile
I'd also just like to thank Ellie from Diabetes UK and Tonya from Sheffield Children's for all their help this last week - they do a great job deserve to be well recognised.
16 miles this weekend before a psychologically huge 20 miles the weekend after. I can vaguely remember looking at those distances on the plan back in November and thinking how far away they were and how incredible it was to think I could manage those distances.
The end is in sight now and I'm detemined not to let anyone down.
Thanks for reading - your support is incredible
Take care
Andy
Wednesday, 15 February 2012
Back on track
Training miles completed this week: 5
Total training miles completed: 96
Training miles left: 127 + taper off period
Training runs left: 20 + taper off period
Hello
It feels like a very long time since I wrote the last post, though it has only been a week as usual.
First and foremost, it's been good to get back out running. The last week and a half has felt very frustrating and being back out tonight for a steady 5 miles felt really good. I managed the distance in 56 minutes which is consistent with every other time over that route. My foot started to feel a bit stiff towards the end but I think that's to be expected really. Rest for the next day or so before heading out for a big distance on Friday night.
I've adjusted the distances on my next couple of runs to avoid doing too much too soon and leaving myself open to a possible setback. Instead of 14 miles this weekend I'm going to conquer the 10 mile barrier instead and push on from there. I think that having been out of action for a little while will mean my ankle is a bit stiffer and I just need to be sensible. I'll still have done more than 200 miles of training before April so I think erring on the side of caution is probably best.
It's been a slightly up and down week from a diabetes perspective, but sadly it's all self inflicted. The weekend mostly consisted of takeaway (I had a rare weekend to myself whilst my wife went to visit some friends) and as I've mentioned a few times, insulin doses tend to be a bit of guess work. I think those indulgences, coupled with a lack of running meant the last few days haven't been quite as controlled as I'd like but I'm close to a return to normality.
Fundraising has gone pretty well again this week which is nice considering I've felt very lazy and done little that should encourage people to donate. We've added £55 to the total since last week bringing it within touching distance of halfway at £482. I've got a few friends and family to lean on yet as well so hopefully I can make the push towards £600 in the next couple of weeks. As a reminder, you can visit the fundraising page by clicking on the link. All money raised is being split between Diabetes UK and The Sheffield Children's Hospital Charity - two very worthy causes.
Given my takeaway indulgences this last week I'm somewhat surprised to have lost another 1.4lbs to be down to 188.6lbs overall. I do, however, remain sceptical about getting weighed after running so if there's little change (or a pound goes back on) next week I won't really be too shocked
A final word before I leave it for this week... There are only 66 days left until race day now so I'm inside the final 10 weeks and I think the hard slog is really going to start - there are some huge milestones coming up. The furthest I've ever run (training or event) is 15 miles. That was 4 years ago and that was the distance that lead to my foot getting injured. In the next 5 weeks alone, I'll be going beyond that distance 3 times (16, 18 and 20 miles) and that's quite a scary thought for a number of reasons.
Firstly, making those distances is psychologically important for me. If you've been with the blog from the beginning then you'll know that all the training and diabetes control has been a series of steps and small progressions to get me to this point. Getting out running at all was the first step, gradually upping the distances until I got through 3 intensive weeks at the end of January was another. Doing 10 miles this weekend will be the next one. After that, I need to prove to myself that I can run these long distances without my body giving up.
Secondly, the 20 mile run at the end of March is critical for so many reasons. It's the longest run of the training plan and it means that understanding mile times, my ability to pace myself properly and my ability to perfectly control my diabetes will be tested. If I can manage that distance and still be standing (metaphorically at least) then I'll know I can go to London and give a good account of myself which is all I want to do.
I'm not ashamed to say I'm scared or nervous because I am (and because I think it's probably quite natural given the circumstances) but I've come this far and I'm determined to do it.
Thanks, as always, for taking the time to read this - it's great to have so much support. If you do have even a couple of quid going spare, then please consider donating it using the link above - it's not even the price of a pint these days (so I'm lead to believe) and it would make all the difference.
Take care, and have a great week - I'll speak to you next week
Thanks
Andy
Total training miles completed: 96
Training miles left: 127 + taper off period
Training runs left: 20 + taper off period
Hello
It feels like a very long time since I wrote the last post, though it has only been a week as usual.
First and foremost, it's been good to get back out running. The last week and a half has felt very frustrating and being back out tonight for a steady 5 miles felt really good. I managed the distance in 56 minutes which is consistent with every other time over that route. My foot started to feel a bit stiff towards the end but I think that's to be expected really. Rest for the next day or so before heading out for a big distance on Friday night.
I've adjusted the distances on my next couple of runs to avoid doing too much too soon and leaving myself open to a possible setback. Instead of 14 miles this weekend I'm going to conquer the 10 mile barrier instead and push on from there. I think that having been out of action for a little while will mean my ankle is a bit stiffer and I just need to be sensible. I'll still have done more than 200 miles of training before April so I think erring on the side of caution is probably best.
It's been a slightly up and down week from a diabetes perspective, but sadly it's all self inflicted. The weekend mostly consisted of takeaway (I had a rare weekend to myself whilst my wife went to visit some friends) and as I've mentioned a few times, insulin doses tend to be a bit of guess work. I think those indulgences, coupled with a lack of running meant the last few days haven't been quite as controlled as I'd like but I'm close to a return to normality.
Fundraising has gone pretty well again this week which is nice considering I've felt very lazy and done little that should encourage people to donate. We've added £55 to the total since last week bringing it within touching distance of halfway at £482. I've got a few friends and family to lean on yet as well so hopefully I can make the push towards £600 in the next couple of weeks. As a reminder, you can visit the fundraising page by clicking on the link. All money raised is being split between Diabetes UK and The Sheffield Children's Hospital Charity - two very worthy causes.
Given my takeaway indulgences this last week I'm somewhat surprised to have lost another 1.4lbs to be down to 188.6lbs overall. I do, however, remain sceptical about getting weighed after running so if there's little change (or a pound goes back on) next week I won't really be too shocked
A final word before I leave it for this week... There are only 66 days left until race day now so I'm inside the final 10 weeks and I think the hard slog is really going to start - there are some huge milestones coming up. The furthest I've ever run (training or event) is 15 miles. That was 4 years ago and that was the distance that lead to my foot getting injured. In the next 5 weeks alone, I'll be going beyond that distance 3 times (16, 18 and 20 miles) and that's quite a scary thought for a number of reasons.
Firstly, making those distances is psychologically important for me. If you've been with the blog from the beginning then you'll know that all the training and diabetes control has been a series of steps and small progressions to get me to this point. Getting out running at all was the first step, gradually upping the distances until I got through 3 intensive weeks at the end of January was another. Doing 10 miles this weekend will be the next one. After that, I need to prove to myself that I can run these long distances without my body giving up.
Secondly, the 20 mile run at the end of March is critical for so many reasons. It's the longest run of the training plan and it means that understanding mile times, my ability to pace myself properly and my ability to perfectly control my diabetes will be tested. If I can manage that distance and still be standing (metaphorically at least) then I'll know I can go to London and give a good account of myself which is all I want to do.
I'm not ashamed to say I'm scared or nervous because I am (and because I think it's probably quite natural given the circumstances) but I've come this far and I'm determined to do it.
Thanks, as always, for taking the time to read this - it's great to have so much support. If you do have even a couple of quid going spare, then please consider donating it using the link above - it's not even the price of a pint these days (so I'm lead to believe) and it would make all the difference.
Take care, and have a great week - I'll speak to you next week
Thanks
Andy
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