I wish that "what's my blood?" wasn't the first thing I thought every morning. I wish that sometimes, waking with the all too familiar feeling of a dry mouth didn't set the tone for my entire day. I wish that feeling light-headed at 6am didn't mean scrabbling around in the dark for jelly babies before I can have a shower.
I wish I could drive whenever I wanted.
I wish that sticking a needle in my fingers seven or eight times a day wasn't necessary. I wish I didn't have to stick a needle in my stomach twice a week.
I wish I could go away for the night, for the weekend, for a week, without it feeling like a military operation.
I wish that being ill was just that - and not an assault on my entire body.
I wish that I didn't have to carry so much stuff around with me all the time. I wish I didn't have to keep spare sets of everything all over the place.
I wish I could go for a run without ziplock bags of jelly babies.
I wish my blood sugar didn't have to dictate my mood. I wish my partner understood my mood-swings.
I wish I didn't look at a plate of food and see numbers. I wish guilty pleasures didn't try to punish me for hours afterwards. I wish that carbs didn't sometimes feel like my enemy.
I wish it wasn't a fight.
I wish my brain would switch if off sometimes. I wish I didn't think about test results. I wish I didn't have a familiar hospital routine.
I wish I could go to bed when I was tired without needing permission from a finger-prick.
I wish that this list didn't represent every day of my life. I wish that sometimes it was just a little bit easier. I wish I could have a day off.