It's been a while since I've done one of these, so it's a little hard to remember how to start. I guess, as with most things, it begins in a diabetes clinic. Back at the start of the year I'd been for another check-up/annual review/pump clinic appointment and got asked if I wanted to complete a mental health and wellbeing questionnaire while I waited.
I dutifully ticked the boxes, added up my score and went in for my appointment. "Hmmm..." said the doc "are you OK?". Same as always as far as I was concerned - I'd always find something to worry about, but that's just a background feeling I've always had. "Yes, but wouldn't it be good to feel a little less worried or stressed about things?" the doctor persisted. I shrugged - "I guess. But I'm just always like this so.... it's probably OK?" She handed me an IAPT leaflet and told me I should ring just to see what they thought.
The leaflet sat on the kitchen table for a few weeks before I finally tidied it up into the recycling. Six months went by and I was in for another clinic appointment. I got given the questionnaire, ticked the boxes and pre-emptively picked up another IAPT leaflet from the waiting area. My scores had improved a little (hell yeah!) but my doctor was still a bit concerned because apparently my scores from January "showed borderline clinical depression". Give over.
I promised I was going to do something this time and carefully put the leaflet next to my laptop to probably not recycle this time.
It took me a couple of weeks to ring up. I still wasn't convinced it'd do anything for me, but I know enough to know that stress, worry and anxiety can, at least in part, be learned behaviour and so this definitely isn't just about me. I definitely don't want Violet to learn this stuff off me. So I made the call.
Obviously it wasn't as bad as it could've been (socre one for anxiety there), but it took a bit of peristence. Having diabetes means the default option is that it makes you anxious, stressed and worried a lot (no shit sherlock), but I've got news for you - I've ALWAYS been like that so I don't think it's that easy. I talked to the assessor on the phone about how I usually just have this background level of whatever it is - stress and anxiety I guess. Having diabetes just makes that worse sometimes. I don't think the anxiety is always caused by diabetes.
While I was on holiday recently, it was insanely hot and I had full paranoia that my pump cannual was going to come off, so I probably spent every 5-10 minutes (sub)consciously touching that part of my stomach making sure it hadn't fallen out. Stuff like that is definitely caused by diabetes. This morning there were delayed engineering works on part of my line, so I drove to the next station on got there 45 minutes early. 'Just in case' I told myself. In case of what, I'm not sure, but I felt better for being there early.
So... after about 40 minutes on the phone we agreed I should try something called "Stress Control For Long Term Conditions". It's classroom-style learning with a maximum of 120 people per session (though I reckon it'll be closer to 80). It starts on Monday 2nd September.
I've got no idea what to expect, other than a course workbook and the knowledge that I can be anonymous if I want. It's about learning, not group therapy or talking exercises. Obviously I'm a little nervous (score two...) but perhaps the doc is right - it would be good to feel a little less nervous, stressed or anxious every now and again.
I'll come back next week and talk about how the first session was. My sense is it'll be beneficial in some way. I resisted DAFNE for years and that was transformative for me. I'm not sure 90 mins a week for six weeks will feel as immediately different but I'm hopeful.
Diabetes UK are running a hugely important campaign about improving the provision of and access to a variety of emotional support services. People with diabetes are twice as likely to suffer from burnout or difficulties with their own mental health compared to those without the condition. Some estimates suggest that one in ten people with diabetes are clinically depressed. You can read more about the vital It's Missing campaign by following the link. My story is just my story. If you need to talk to someone you can ring the Diabetes UK Helpline on 0345 123 2399 or ring Samaritans on 116 123
