If you've been keeping up-to-date with any of my social media, you'll know I'm running the London Marathon in just under five weeks. Whilst this post is loosely based around that, it's also some thoughts on change.
I was in a similar position seven years ago as I prepared to line up for my first ever marathon. Back then it was all unknown territory for me - how do you run 18, 20 or 26 miles? How do you do it whilst managing a health condition like Type 1 diabetes? How do you keep going when it's easier to give up?
Thankfully I managed to find answers to all those questions, and now I find myself reflecting on what's changed, and what's stayed the same since 2012.
Well, I'm still not built for running so I'm fairly sure my training schedule isn't keeping Eliud Kipchoge or Mo Farah awake at night. And of course I still have diabetes to contend with, which is very much the added X-factor when it comes to long distance running (for me at least).
What's changed?
Of course lots of things have changed too. For my first marathon, insulin pens were my treatment regime and so reduced basal injections the night before and the morning of the run were vital for keeping my bloods under control. Looking back now, it seems pretty crude, but it definitely did the job. By 2014, for my second marathon, I'd switched to a pump and the added level of finesse to tweaking basal rates was hugely helpful.
Technology has come a long way since then, and so this year I'll line up with a flash glucose monitor sending my blood sugar readings to my watch every five minutes (assuming it holds up under a sea of Bluetooth interference). That should help even more as I should be able to ward off any signs of low blood sugar a long time in advance.
'Score one for older and wiser...'
I've also not managed to defy the aging process and so I'll head off a month shy of my 38th birthday and feeling every single day that I've aged since last time. It's clearly affected my memory as well, because I'd forgotten how unrelenting the training is to be able to run/walk/shobble/stagger over 26 miles. That said, the wonder that is Facebook's "on this day" feature told me my recent 20 mile run was 30 mins faster than my first attempt over that difference way back in 2012. Score one for 'older and wiser' there I think...
I've changed jobs since my last effort too, and so there's an added layer of tiredness to factor in beyond a) the actual training and b) being nearly 40. I'm usually travelling around the country once or twice a week, so earlier starts and fitting runs in early before work, or after a long day have become the new norm - but a manageable norm.
'How do you keep going when it's easier to give up?'
For me, the big question was the last one I posed at the start... "How do you keep going when it's easier to give up?". Of course, that's really a life question, not just a running one, though it definitely applies when you're feeling sick after 18 miles.
It's invariably a diabetes question too, and I guess the answer is really the same for everything - "I don't really have a choice". It's not a cure for Type 1 I'm desperately after, it's a day off. It is utterly relentless and at times it's all consuming. The advent of technology I celebrated a few paragraphs ago also brings with it some tougher aspects. If it's hard to switch off from a chronic condition when you're connected to an insulin pump, it's basically impossible if everytime you unlock your phone, there's a blood glucose reading staring you in the face.
Sometimes it's OK. Sometimes it's mocking you for a bad decision you made a few hours earlier. But it's always there. I've long thought that diabetes has me so tight in it's Stockholm Syndrome-like grip that I'd be lost without it in my life. But when that's all said and done I'd take a 24 hour respite in an instant.
So... how do you keep going when it's easier to give up? I guess the answer is 'by any means necessary'. On marathon day, it'll be the promise of a medal (and my first bit of proper junk food in months). With diabetes I fundamentally don't have a choice and it's remembering that I'm doing the best with the tools, knowledge and wisdom that I've got.
Anyone can have a bad day, and we'll always be our own worst critic, seeing ourselves in a crueller light than anyone else ever would. I'm not going to compare my finish time to anyone else's, and I won't do the same with my health.
I'm running the London Marathon on Sunday April 28th for Diabetes UK - a charity very close to my heart for a lot of reasons. If you'd like to support them by sponsoring me, you can visit my JustGiving page to donate, and to get regular updates on my training as the day approaches. Despite working for Diabetes UK, I have no say over how your donation is spent.
