I've neglected this blog for a little while. Not necessarily because I don't have things to say, but because life's gotten in the way...
"Let's get back on track". That was the sombre advice from my Garmin app this morning after yet another appalling attempt at running. "Let's get back on track"...
The truth is, I feel pretty broken at the moment. For once in my life, the only thing that seems to be taking relatively little effort on my part is having diabetes. That's a strange thing to write really - the thing that's a 24/7 fixture in my life is the easy bit.
As usual, there's a lot going on (which is of my own doing), but it all seems to have fallen at once so I'm stumbling from one thing to the next without much time to think. That's not always a bad thing I guess - the pressure of working on a few, quite different things is interesting and definitely keeps me on my toes.
But it does mean a few things are getting squeezed out (I've not found a way to add a few extra hours in the day yet). Worryingly, it seems to be any kind of exercise which I'm sacrificing at the moment. Given my pathetic metabolism, that means I've invariably put on weight, and I seem to be obsessing about it rather a lot.
I look back at where I was 12 months ago, and I was running 100 miles a month, at my lowest weight for about a decade and feeling invincible. Now I'm struggling to run 4 miles (partly due to a stubborn knee injury I sustained mid-April), I'm about 12lbs heavier than I have been in ages and quite frankly it's making me miserable.
I seem to have developed some kind of weight obsessed insomnia as well and I'm finding it tricky to switch off, which is a little frustrating given how tired I actually feel at the moment. There's a lot running through my mind every night but I seem to go back to how frustrated I am that I can't run, and the effect it's having on me.
I've been travelling a lot lately for various reasons (social and otherwise) - London and back three times in six weeks (with another three in three weeks at the start of July)...
To be honest, I don't think there's much of a point to this blog, other than to write all this stuff down so it's one less thing in my head.
I should be able to shift some of this unwelcome weight which will make me feel a lot happier. Body image problems can't be over-stated in my opinion and it's something I wrestle with a lot more than I let on. I know my knee will come back to being somewhere partly sensible so I should be able to get out and find the enjoyment I got from running last year. And hopefully I'll get some sleep too.
At least diabetes isn't causing me too many problems. For once.
Until next time.