It's felt a little.... more straightforward this week. I'm loathe to say 'easier' because it's felt a little like peaks and troughs over the last few days. A relatively quieter week at work has helped so that's something.
So far the sun's kept shining which I think is definitely a positive to cling on to. I think a few days of rain (which looks forecast for this week) will make for a somewhat less manageable lockdown experience.
I've also tried to make a very conscious effort to look for distractions or hobbies to give me some focus. Certainly something beyond staring at some game on my phone at least.
I've got round to listening to a podcast that I never thought I'd find time for. It's called Office Ladies and is an episode-by-episode behind the scenes rewatch of The Office - An American Workplace (scientifically the best TV comedy of all time). At about an hour an episode it's a good start to a weekend morning and means I'm learning some new stuff about a show I could practically quote. It also ties in nicely with my inspired decision to start and rewatch the whole thing from the beginning too.
The last few weeks I've got more and more into my newest middle-class hobby which is rock painting! It all started when we found a couple on the ground near where we live while we were on our daily walk and spiraled quite quickly from there. Historically I've never been someone you'd associate the words "artistic" or "patient" with but I'm certainly learning to harness the latter. I've found it helps me stay calm and feel focused, and there's a bonus that it's a good family activity for us all.
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| This weekend's efforts |
We've also reached that stage where we've had a family quiz over Zoom. A top score of 9/20 suggests we all need to reset our expectations of what 'easy' is.
Of course it's not all sunshine and plain sailing, but I'm definitely at the stage where I know that's not going to be the norm, even if I'm a little way of mastering how to cope with it.
I think one of the hardest things I've found over the last week (and feels like something that's been a fairly constant background for me for a while) is finding it hard to stop myself following a thought to some fantastical and unlikely resolution.
It's hard to really describe what that's like without using examples I'd rather not share here, but it often comes down to something jumping into my head and staying there while I simultaneously try to forget about it entirely and completely fixate on it in the worst possible ways.
I found these resources from Mind which helped a little, and resonated well with some of the learning from StressControl last year. I'm not convinced I'm 'hearing voices' and I don't think it necessarily strays into intrusive thoughts per se, and certainly not harmful intrusive thoughts. It's more that I find it hard to not fixate on something once I start.
And so that's where distractions come in. For me, right now it's a balance between distracting myself with new things that I'm enjoying and also learning to manage and try to de-escalate the stress and anxiety when distraction doesn't work. It's a learning curve that feels a little steeper because of the situation we find ourselves in right now, and ultimately I think it comes down to celebrating the good days and stopping the bad days from bringing you too far down.
Stay safe x
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